Saturday, February 8, 2014

Not Alone

Please tell me I'm not the only one who checks behind the shower curtain for monsters before I go to the bathroom.

My bathroom is not really conducive to monster attacks (I'd see them coming as my shower is next to the toilet with a little wall separating the two and a huge mirror from which I can see the entire bathroom) but my sister's bathroom...that's another story. Her bathroom is tiny, tiny, tiny and her toilet is crammed up right between her little sink area and her shower. She always keeps her shower curtain closed (I often fail to do so with mine...or WIN when it comes to monster checks) so whenever I find myself using her bathroom I have to check behind that curtain. There's never really any plan as to what I would do were I to find a monster...or serial killer. In my sister's bathroom I'd pretty much be doomed considering how little space there is in there to put up any sort of fight. That and bathroom doors swing inward. Who the heck had that bright idea?! Sure, you don't accidentally hurt any cats who have been stationed outside your door waiting for you to return, but what about your safety? It's so much easier to run away when the door swings out with you.

For the sake of monster attacks, I really think bathroom doors should swing outward. Especially if said attack is coming from outside the bathroom and you have to run and hide INSIDE it (like in every thriller movie ever when the main character has to hide in the bathroom from a killer). Wouldn't it be better to slam the door forward into someone if they are trying to break in? Wouldn't it be better that they have to try and pull the door open rather than easily kicking it in? I vote yes. Bathroom doors should swing outwards and all shower curtains should remain open at all times...even though it apparently helps reduce the growth of mold to close them.

Okay, I am a grown woman. I do not feel the need to check under my bed anymore (although, to be fair, I have purposefully packed a lot of boxes under my bed so there's no way a cat can even fit under there let alone a monster or killer). My closet is guarded by a cardboard cutout of Legolas I got when I was in High School so no worries there either. Yet, the shower curtain remains a mysterious pressence in my fears. Whenever I come across closed shower curtains (even in a friend's house) there is always this weird feeling in the back of my mind that I absolutely must check behind that curtain as if just the act of checking will make any monsters disappear and everything will be safe again. It's almost a suicidal feeling though because, as I mentioned before, what the heck would I do if there WAS something there? It's too bad the feeling can't be ignored. It would almost be safer not to check. What is it about showers that makes them so terrifying? Closing your eyes EVER when you are in the shower...bad idea. Who knows what could be lurking on the other side of that ominous curtain. I suppose it's not the showers themselves then...it's the curtains. It all comes back to the curtains.



***Reality check***

I'm 25 (almost 26). Why in the heck do I feel the need to make sure there are no monsters, dead bodies, or killers hiding in the shower?

**Reality check check**

Why would anyone NOT feel the need to check for monsters, dead bodies, or killers? Good habits to form to prepare for future incidents. Trust your gut. If the shower feels dangerous...it most certainly is dangerous.

*Reality check check check*

The world is a dangerous place and we should be afraid of EVERYTHING. Excuse me while I go turn my bathroom doors around and burn all the shower curtains. They are obviously portals to you-know-where...yes you do...yes you do know where...


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