Not Alone

Please tell me I'm not the only one who checks behind the shower curtain for monsters before I go to the bathroom.

My bathroom is not really conducive to monster attacks (I'd see them coming as my shower is next to the toilet with a little wall separating the two and a huge mirror from which I can see the entire bathroom) but my sister's bathroom...that's another story. Her bathroom is tiny, tiny, tiny and her toilet is crammed up right between her little sink area and her shower. She always keeps her shower curtain closed (I often fail to do so with mine...or WIN when it comes to monster checks) so whenever I find myself using her bathroom I have to check behind that curtain. There's never really any plan as to what I would do were I to find a monster...or serial killer. In my sister's bathroom I'd pretty much be doomed considering how little space there is in there to put up any sort of fight. That and bathroom doors swing inward. Who the heck had that bright idea?! Sure, you don't accidentally hurt any cats who have been stationed outside your door waiting for you to return, but what about your safety? It's so much easier to run away when the door swings out with you.

For the sake of monster attacks, I really think bathroom doors should swing outward. Especially if said attack is coming from outside the bathroom and you have to run and hide INSIDE it (like in every thriller movie ever when the main character has to hide in the bathroom from a killer). Wouldn't it be better to slam the door forward into someone if they are trying to break in? Wouldn't it be better that they have to try and pull the door open rather than easily kicking it in? I vote yes. Bathroom doors should swing outwards and all shower curtains should remain open at all times...even though it apparently helps reduce the growth of mold to close them.

Okay, I am a grown woman. I do not feel the need to check under my bed anymore (although, to be fair, I have purposefully packed a lot of boxes under my bed so there's no way a cat can even fit under there let alone a monster or killer). My closet is guarded by a cardboard cutout of Legolas I got when I was in High School so no worries there either. Yet, the shower curtain remains a mysterious pressence in my fears. Whenever I come across closed shower curtains (even in a friend's house) there is always this weird feeling in the back of my mind that I absolutely must check behind that curtain as if just the act of checking will make any monsters disappear and everything will be safe again. It's almost a suicidal feeling though because, as I mentioned before, what the heck would I do if there WAS something there? It's too bad the feeling can't be ignored. It would almost be safer not to check. What is it about showers that makes them so terrifying? Closing your eyes EVER when you are in the shower...bad idea. Who knows what could be lurking on the other side of that ominous curtain. I suppose it's not the showers themselves then...it's the curtains. It all comes back to the curtains.

***Reality check***

I'm 25 (almost 26). Why in the heck do I feel the need to make sure there are no monsters, dead bodies, or killers hiding in the shower?

**Reality check check**

Why would anyone NOT feel the need to check for monsters, dead bodies, or killers? Good habits to form to prepare for future incidents. Trust your gut. If the shower feels dangerous...it most certainly is dangerous.

*Reality check check check*

The world is a dangerous place and we should be afraid of EVERYTHING. Excuse me while I go turn my bathroom doors around and burn all the shower curtains. They are obviously portals to you-know-where...yes you do...yes you do know where...

My computer died...now I have a new one

Well, Robin Hood gave up the ghost (more accurately, his hard drive did and I couldn't get the computer to work with me with a new one since I had no re-install CDs) so I went back to my dad's company to do some consulting work and bought a new computer for $730 on Black Friday. Say hi to Dell-ai Llama, or Llama llama as I like to call him. I was without a good computer (I had an old slow laptop and a tiny little computer from our TV room that we basically only bought to watch YouTube videos on our TV) for about a month. Can I tell you how torturous that was? It was torturous. The sad thing is it happened a few weeks after I decided to start doing more with my youtube channel. I managed to back everything up before it died (thank the heavens) because it was showing signs of impending failure (or, as I like to call it, DOOM) but my editing program, that has all those already half edited videos saved in it, does not work with Windows 7...well darn. I guess that means I have to start all over. Of course...that also means I need an actual good editing program. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay. :/

Well, at least I have a working computer again which means I can talk to you again and edit again and waste oh so much time again. :D

Shadowmere

A few weeks back I got a special request from a man who wanted to give his son a custom Shadowmere (a horse from the game Skyrim) for his young son's birthday. I was immediately excited for this project. Every once in a while I get a special request that I love so much, I make it a permanent listing in my shop. I've done other requests that were cool but not quite like this one. I spent three weeks with this guy making him, his tack, his blanket, all the while working with the customer to make sure everything turned out perfectly. The best reward is knowing that his son was SO EXCITED to get this horse that he has been asking non-stop when it will arrive and has apparently memorized my instructions about how to put everything on the horse (I made a video to explain it to him). It turned out so great. I miss him but I know he's going to a good home. I can't wait until someone else orders one...I want to make him again. :)

https://www.etsy.com/listing/164304858/shadowmere-plush?ref=shop_home_feat

Saving worms

It's been raining a lot for the past couple of days and today I looked out on the back patio to see that there was a good number of worms struggling to find dry ground in all the deep puddles of rain water. I have this innate desire inside of me to help living creatures whenever I can, even worms and little spiders who have trapped themselves in my bathtub right before I need to take a shower. So, I found a stick, went out into the rain, and brought every single worm to a less flooded patch of dirt or mulch. Of course, since then more worms have trapped themselves on the cement, but I am glad that I at least saved some of them. I have had to keep myself away from the back door in order to avoid going back out there and getting soaked again because I know if I see those worms struggling...I'll be right back out there in the rain and I'll have to change my clothes again to avoid getting sick.

When I was little, I remember loving to go out in the rain and splash in the puddles. I would make my way along the sidewalk and try my best not to step on any of the "silly worms" that were crawling around in my path. Every time I saw a smashed one, it made me a little sad. I remember saving worms back then too. They were slimy and gross, but kids don't usually mind that do they? I didn't use sticks to pick them up back then, I just grabbed them with my bare hands and tossed them into the grass. I'm sure I thought they enjoyed flying for a few moments too.

I still grab them with my bare hands every once in a while, but now I mostly use a stick to avoid accidentally smashing the little guys. I have to use a stick sometimes because they just refuse to be picked up and using hands and a stick to get them to curl up on themselves is really the only way to get a hold of them. Sometimes they know they've gotten themselves in trouble and they will crawl onto the stick willingly (but not my hand, it just feels too foreign to them) so that I can transport them to somewhere safe. I like those worms. I only came across one of them today. He was trapped in a rather large puddle of water and struggling to find his way out when I offered him the stick.

Poor little wormies. What can't they just crawl out onto the mulch or the top of the grass? Why on earth do they choose the cement which not only floods enough to possibly drown them, but which turns into a danger zone once the rains stops and the sun dries up all the puddles. Dry cement hurts their little worm bodies. They can't move across it as fast as wet cement and usually end up getting trapped there and dried out by the hot sun. I suppose there are people like that too. They take the hardest route and head in the wrong direction only to drown or just find themselves trapped when the rain stops and the sun comes out to dry them up. It may be easy for them to move on the wet surface (worms move easiest on wet ground which is why they come out when it's raining) but once that surface dries, they realize where they went wrong. I guess I just like to try and save some of those little wormies because I can see that where they are going isn't going to help them in the long run. I wish people could be saved just as easily. I would grab a stick, scoop them up, and drop them in the dirt.

WHO Doctor

So I was looking up stuff on the new Doctor (Peter Capaldi) and came across something that made me laugh so hard, I just had to share it with some screen caps.

So I saw this and did a double take. I promptly went to the World War Z page to confirm it.

I think I'm going to be giggling about this for the next month or so.

Misused terms

Whenever someone uses the title "busybody" to describe themselves as a human version of the energizer bunny (just going and going and going, super duper busy, always working on things, never resting, etc.), it makes me sigh and shake my head. I'd take the time to tell them they were wrong and explain to them what that title actually means and how they should phrase things they say and write in the future (without them asking for my advice of course)...but that would make me a busybody.

bus·y·bod·y  

/ˈbizēˌbädē/

Noun A meddling or prying person.

Synonyms meddler

I have actually heard this term being misused (and some might say slaughtered) several times within the last week. This surprises me because I, trapped in my naive view of the world, really thought everyone knew what a busybody was. I can see where someone could make the mistake of thinking of "busy" and "body" and translating that into "my body is always busy," but it still bothers me. I think the term you are looking for is "busy bee."

Speaking of misused terms that bother me...this next one is probably the one that irritates me the most. I don't know why, it just really really irritates me when people use the phrase to "pants" someone when they really should be saying "de-pants" someone. Honestly, saying you "pantsed" someone should translate into "I put pants on someone." They were already wearing pants; you took those pants away..."DE-PANTS."

de-

prefix

     

Definition

› used to add the meaning 'opposite', 'remove', or 'reduce' to a noun or verb

de-pants: to remove someone's pants.

It therefore follows that "pantsing" someone is the opposite of de-pantsing so next time you say you "pantsed" your cousin, you better be saying you put his pants on.

Those two are just my specialty pet peeves, but the next one is actually a very common annoyance among many English majors and civilians alike. I am, of course, referring to the improper use of the word ironic. It's ironic that so many people who grew up speaking English can't use their own language properly...or is it? Lets just say that rain on your wedding day is NOT ironic.

i·ron·ic  

/īˈränik/

Adjective Using or characterized by irony. Happening in the opposite way to what is expected, thus typically causing wry amusement.

Synonyms ironical - derisive - quizzical

The song itself, however, is surprisingly ironic because every single example of irony Alanis Morissette gives in her lyrics are, in fact, not actual examples of irony. Whether she did it on purpose or not, we will never know. All I know is that song drives me insane and so do people who say "that's ironic" when it most definitely IS NOT.

Just remember people: 

A busybody is the person who meddles in everything, knows all the gossip of the town, and who can't help but tell other people what to do. Yes, they are very busy and constantly up to no good, but that doesn't mean you can use the phrase to describe yourself as an active person. You are misusing the term. Please stop.

Considering the fact that de-pants is the proper way to say that you removed your brother's pants (the prefix de- adding the meaning remove to the noun pants) in front of the girl he had a crush on, to pants someone would actually have the opposite meaning in that it would imply that your brother was already standing there in his boxers and you put pants on him...or perhaps he was even already wearing pants and you surprised him by somehow slipping another pair of pants over the first pair (that would be quite the accomplishment actually...I think I should try that). So, next time you say you "pantsed" your brother, I am going to infer that you put a pair of pants on him for some unknown reason.

Irony. The word ironic can only be used when something is the opposite of what is expected. Having no wheel chair ramp at a handicap facility is ironic, the Titanic being labeled the "unsinkable" ship (only to have it sink on it's first trip out) is ironic, a fire truck catching fire is ironic, and Little John's name (considering that he was a very large man) is ironic. Rain on your wedding day, a free ride when you already paid, and some good advice just a little too late...those things are NOT ironic. You are misusing the term. Please stop.

Perspective

This morning, over breakfast, my family and I were talking about the Bull snakes that live around our yard and keep the rattle snakes away. Among all of the bull snakes, there is the cutest little baby one that we have seen almost every summer for the last two years. I have had run ins with him often while working out in the yard and these run ins reminded me of a tiny little garter snake that likes to hide under the pool whenever we get it set up. My mom said something about them wanting to be out in the sun and that going somewhere cool and damp seemed weird but I reminded her that garter snakes like to swim.

When we lived in my grandma's house, a little over fifteen years ago, a young garter snake slipped into the pool and couldn't get back out. My dad and I rescued it with one of those little animal head clamps you get at the zoo (coincidentally, it was a snake). While thinking of this past story I expressed my disappointment that my mom had not let me keep the snake. My little sister then piped up and said "Of course she didn't. You and Maddi killed your frogs" (or something to that effect). at which point I had to stop her and say "No...you killed our frogs."

Several years before moving to grandma's for a year, we lived in a house in Thornton, CO. While living there, my mother put us through swimming lessons at a local swimming pool. Just outside the pool building, there was this tiny pond choc full of frogs and tad poles. One day, after our swimming lessons were over, my mom helped Maddi and I catch one tad pole each. We brought them home and kept them in fish bowls. It was neat watching them change little by little. Unfortunately, they weren't as safe as we'd thought they would be in those little bowls.

While Maddi and I were off at school, Kelsey would take our tad poles out of the bowls and put them in her little Minnie Mouse music box. I would get home, see them gone, get them out of the box, and put them back. We kept telling her she couldn't do that but every day I'd come home to an empty fish bowl. Eventually, Maddi's poor tad pole died. I think Kelsey learned her lesson after that because we moved my tad pole into a larger tank in my room where he stayed and managed to grow into the tinniest most adorable frog, undisturbed by Kelsey. My mom had to go help Maddi catch a full grown frog at the same pond after her tad pole died in order to make her feel better. We kept them both in the tank in my room from then on. My frog actually lived for quite a long time and, at one point, managed to eat every last minnow I'd brought home from the lake up at our cabin (curse that frog, how was I supposed to know he'd eat my baby fishies). 

I find it interesting that, in Kelsey's mind, we killed our frogs. Somehow, she was no longer responsible. Granted, she was a very young child at the time, but it just goes to show that memories from your younger years may be, more often than not, incorrect. Her perspective on the event erased her responsibility for the death of Maddi's tad pole but my perspective kept it alive and well. It's just interesting looking back on memories like that. It makes me wonder how accurate my early memories are. Hearing the same situations and stories from different perspectives is always so interesting. In this case, I know that my side was correct (as my mother could remember the tad pole incidents as well), but who knows what memories from my past are a little skewed.